The Queen of Appalachia, The Book Lady, and Fairy Godmother To All passed away yesterday at the age of 80. It simply didn't occur to many of us that Dolly Parton could even die. Incredible and heartfelt tributes have been pouring in from all over the globe, from people of all generations, races, and nationalities. She was really that beloved.

My friend texted me the news, and I admit I spent the rest of the day consumed by it- reading about her and scrolling through all of the tributes. What an incredible woman she was. She meant a lot to the queer community. I think it really mattered to us to see someone of her generation, from where she was from, loving us so openly. I wish that all American Christians were more like Dolly.

With that said, here's what I will take from her legacy as it relates to my world.

Eight Important Things Dolly Taught Us About Life and Sexuality

🦋 The Sexual Double Standard Kills

Several of Dolly’s early songs deal with the topic of unwed pregnant girls and the difficulties they faced. “Down From Dover” and “The Bridge” were both written from a girl’s POV and tell stories of ruined lives, desperation, and abandonment by families and boyfriends once their pregnancies were discovered. These songs were controversial. People didn’t talk about being single and pregnant at that time, and they certainly weren’t comfortable hearing a woman sing about it on the radio!

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Her 1968 hit "Just Because I'm a Woman" challenged purity culture and the societal double standard that shamed women’s sexual behavior while excusing the same behavior in men.

🦋 Be Smart About Your Sexual Health

In 1994, Dolly joined 35 other country music stars for the Break the Silence campaign, a major public service initiative to educate the public about HIV/AIDS and reduce social stigma. Break The Silence talked openly about HIV/AIDS prevention, encourage sex education, and challenged the silence surrounding the epidemic in rural areas and small towns.

“I think it’s nice to know—for your health—where the person’s been. On my TV show, some kid asked me, ‘Do you have any advice for teenagers today?’ and I said, ‘Yeah, just act like it’s rainin’ and wear your rubbers.’ It just popped out before I thought. I got some criticism, but that’s pretty much my advice to anybody havin’ sex.”

🦋 Sex Is A Natural and Healthy Part of Life

Dolly was one of twelve children. She talked about learning what sex is from from her older cousins. Parton grew up with an open-minded and matter of fact view of sex, sharing that she and her siblings and friends were curious about their bodies in a playful and natural way- nothing shameful or vulgar about it.

In 1972, Dolly released a ballad called "Touch Your Woman." It was a song about being physically intimate after an argument, and how after conflict, "All you have to do to make it right is just touch your woman." Some country radio stations refused to play it because they found it too sexually suggestive.

🦋 It's Natural To Be Attracted To Other People, Even When You're Married and Monogamous Like She Was

Dolly was famously married to her husband Carl Dean for 59 years, until he passed away. She always openly acknowledged having crushes on various men throughout her life, viewing attraction as natural, while acknowledging she and her husband always came home to each other.

“I see people all the time that ring my bells, and if sometimes a man has made me sexy by flirting with me, then that’s usually all I need to feel like I’m still pretty. I’ve still got it, I’ve still moved somebody. And that somebody can still move me.” She added that her husband can experience the same.

🦋 Feminine Gender Expression Isn’t Weakness and Women Don’t Need to Hide Our Sex Appeal

Dolly was a goddess of campy, high femininity, deliberately exaggerating her appearance with makeup, wigs, and rhinestones. She based her look on “the town tramp” from her childhood. When people said “She ain’t nothing but trash,” Dolly replied “"Well, that’s what I’m gonna be when I grow up.”

“People say, ‘If God had wanted you to have this or that, if He’d wanted you to have your hair streaked or bleached’—well, that’s silly. Any old barn looks better with a little red paint, as Minnie Pearl would say.”

🦋 Have A Sense of Humor About Matters of Sex and Your Own Sexuality

Dolly was famous for cracking raunchy jokes. Most of them were at her own expense- she was always in on the joke. On Letterman once, she listed her #1 pet peeve as "Most people don't notice I also have a great ass!"

Another time she commented “I remember when I came along, people were saying that I’m two of the biggest stars in music — I’m still milking it.”

🦋 Love Your LGBTQ+ Family

Dolly openly and loudly rejected religious judgment of queer and trans people. “If people want to pass judgment, they’re already sinning. I try to love everybody.”

“I have some of everybody in my own immediate family and in my circle of employees. I’ve got transgender people. I’ve got gays. I’ve got lesbians. I know and love them all, and I do not judge.… That’s who they are. They cannot help that any more than I can help being Dolly Parton.”

In her tribute yesterday, Jane Fonda wrote: “To her gay and trans fans, I want you to know that she loved you. You know that without me telling you.” 😭

🦋 It's Ok To Be A Childfree Woman

Dolly never had her own children. She spoke about her “female trouble”- suffering from endometriosis in the 80s when hysterectomy was a common treatment.

On being a parent: "I haven't missed it like I thought I might. When you're a young couple, you think you're going to have kids, but it just wasn't one of those burning things for me...”

Being childfree gave her the freedom to achieve global stardom and also dedicate her life to philanthropy. Dolly proved that you can invest in future generations while personally choosing not to parent.

Thank You For Everything, Dolly.

xo

E